A few days ago M asked me if she can visit. I did not say no but neither did I say yes. The reason, my dwelling. M is in India, if she were to visit she would be here for atleast a month. And I am ashamed to have here living in an apartment with me. I have always felt I have fallen behind on the journey of my life. I feel M should come and visit only when I am settled. My present idea of being settled ain't marriage but a home. A house I can call me own. Why would I want her to come all the way here and live in a small apartment.
Is my thinking wrong. Should I not care about such things. I don't know. Maybe I am wrong. But that's the way I think.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Friday, August 10, 2007
VISA, no not the plastic kind
A visa (short for the Latin carta visa, lit. "the document having been seen") is a document issued by a country giving an individual permission to formally request entrance to the country during a given period of time and for certain purposes and usually stamped or glued inside of a passport, or sometimes issued as separate pieces of paper. - source wikipedia
Well I am waiting for that piece of paper. My application has been approved and I am waiting for the hard copy. In December this year I plan to visit India, my visit is long overdue and get my visa stamped. I visit an immigration forum regularly just to get a feel of how things go. Well they don't go so good. People get stuck thanks to the excessive security clearance and name checks. I wont complain, security cannot be compromised right and until a better system is developed one cannot expect anything but chaos.
In all this I was looking back at the last six years and beyond. I don't think I ever had lofty "dollar dreams". I dint have to come here just because my brother, cousin or cousin's cousin was studying here and I have to meets some distant relation's expectation. I dont have a boyfriend whom I wanted to marry and if I stayed back I would have married of to someone else. I don't have a family depending on me. Then what is it? My depression, my low self-esteem. I think that's what drove me.
I desperately wanted to get away from life as it was. All my childhood I was pampered, not by my parents but by my teachers and all grown ups other than my parents. And then when things dint so good in college I was extremely unhappy with myself. I wanted to get away. Maybe that's the reason why I did better than even the best students in my class in GRE and TOFEL. It was a desperate attempt to get away. Of course my stay here did not start on a high note, but the past two years has put me once again in that sweet spot of approval. Where people look up to you, admire you. I like that.
I wonder when I go for the VISA and say I am subject to one of the many security clearances how would I feel. Would I feel trapped even after all these years and want to get away or would this time be different. I dont think my name is a common enough "MUSLIM NAME". Yep that's one of the criteria to require additional security checks.
Well I am waiting for that piece of paper. My application has been approved and I am waiting for the hard copy. In December this year I plan to visit India, my visit is long overdue and get my visa stamped. I visit an immigration forum regularly just to get a feel of how things go. Well they don't go so good. People get stuck thanks to the excessive security clearance and name checks. I wont complain, security cannot be compromised right and until a better system is developed one cannot expect anything but chaos.
In all this I was looking back at the last six years and beyond. I don't think I ever had lofty "dollar dreams". I dint have to come here just because my brother, cousin or cousin's cousin was studying here and I have to meets some distant relation's expectation. I dont have a boyfriend whom I wanted to marry and if I stayed back I would have married of to someone else. I don't have a family depending on me. Then what is it? My depression, my low self-esteem. I think that's what drove me.
I desperately wanted to get away from life as it was. All my childhood I was pampered, not by my parents but by my teachers and all grown ups other than my parents. And then when things dint so good in college I was extremely unhappy with myself. I wanted to get away. Maybe that's the reason why I did better than even the best students in my class in GRE and TOFEL. It was a desperate attempt to get away. Of course my stay here did not start on a high note, but the past two years has put me once again in that sweet spot of approval. Where people look up to you, admire you. I like that.
I wonder when I go for the VISA and say I am subject to one of the many security clearances how would I feel. Would I feel trapped even after all these years and want to get away or would this time be different. I dont think my name is a common enough "MUSLIM NAME". Yep that's one of the criteria to require additional security checks.
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