A different me

I know, I know, I was supposed to finish catching up, I said in a few hours. Got a little side tracked. I have an idea. I will continue about my trip later. Let me do some talking about the present. Yes, there is a lot of sadness and discontent in my life. And writing my heart out here feels very good. But for a change I wont dwell on my sadness in this post.

I have taken assembler and advanced programming in C++ this semester. School started on Jan 17. I have been a little complacent this semester, which is not good. I am going to get on track this weekend. Have an assignment due on Monday and another due on Tuesday. I am yet to start working, but I am going to finish them both before Monday.

My job search also needs some momentum. The Intel website is still giving me trouble. It is one of my strong desires to work for Intel. It will be like a dream coming true. I have decided that I will join a consultant in May. Its high time I take charge.

I met Dr.M on Jan 17. He said that he has still not started reading my thesis. I hope he does it soon and lets me defend without too much trouble. I am going to give up on it if he is not satisfied or something like that. I cant keep dragging this on for the rest of my life.

One other thing I am happy about it is my fitness regime. Since school started I have been working out very regularly and watching my diet too. I have started doing strength training along with cardio. I have not lost any weight since I have started. For some reason I am not very worried. Never have I done as much strength training as I am doing now. And I have a feeling that I am building muscle , hence the no difference in weight. I also feel less pressured this time. I am doing this just for myself this time. I don't have a deadline, I am not doing it to please anybody, I have not set any time or weight goal. I think I am doing all the right things and yes I do slip sometimes. But that's fine. I will do what I have too and not care about the result. No point in stressing myself out or getting obsessed. I am also cooking quite a bit. Cooking is therapeutic and yes not spending money on eating out is also good. I found milled flax. Using it quite a bit. Adding a lot of milk to my diet. I have also subscribed to an online journal which will help me keep track of my weight, diet and exercise. It costs 5 dollars per month. It has a calorie and nutrient counter and many such tools. It will be fun.

J is leaving on Tuesday. I will miss her. And yes I am thinking of getting off anti-Depressants. Their long time effects seem to be really bad. Dependency, Sexual dysfunction etc. And if stopped after long use, the withdrawal symptoms are too bad. I better stop now. I have not taken it today. Lets see how it goes.

alright then I will get back to assembler. Will be back soon. Maybe tomorrow...

One of my favourites

Truly Madly Deeply
Savage Garden
(Savage Garden)

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy
I'll be your hope I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly, madly, deeply do
I will be strong I will be faithful
'cause I'm counting on

A new beginning
A reason for living
A deeper meaning

I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish to send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry
The tears of joy for all the pleasure in the certainty
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of

The highest powers
In lonely hours
The tears devour you

I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cause it's standing right here before you
All that you need will surely come

I'll be your dream I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy
I'll be your hope I'll be your love
Be everything that you need
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly, madly, deeply do

I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to live like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

Catching UP!

I know it has been a very long time. I was busy I think. Or may be not, I was just not in the mood. Here I am. I have loads to write about. Many significant and not so significant things have happened. Let me begin where I left. As planned I left for Seattle on Jan 6. The planning and shopping was very cool. J took me shopping. I bought some cool stuff. That was fun.I also got my haircut. I dint intend to make it any shorter but thats how it turned out. But I think it looked alright.Sid teased me real bad over the phone when I told him.Finally the day came. My flight was at 7. I left home at 1:30 as I had to take the Greyhound to Chicago and the only bus was at 2:40. And I was extremely mad at Sid. He had not called all morning that day.And I was fuming. I expected him to check with me if I had taken everything. But no. That didnt happen. Finally he calls me at 2:00 p.m. I let him know that I am mad. He had some excuse that he was busy or something like that. Maybe he was busy.

Anyways I was feeling a strange kind of nervousness. It was not like I am meeting him for the first time. Anyways I got to the airport on time. And Sid made sure he checked on me regularly. And the flight was delayed by more than an hour. It was a 4.5 hr journey. I read for an hour, I slept for a couple of hours and I cried for for close to an hour. I was by the window looking out to a clear sky with stars everywhere and I couldnt help but cry. Cried for all things I wanted and will never have, Cried for all things that could have happened and never did. It was good thing it was the middle of the night and everyone next to me was asleep and I was with my face towards the window. I was a very peaceful experience, just me, the sky and the stars.

Finally my plane landed. I didnt know what to expect. He was to meet me at the Baggage claim but it was a big airport. I called him and was trying to look for him. And he was right behind me. I got a big hug. And he liked my hair. I could see that he like it. That felt real good. I let him carry all my stuff. We got into his car. He asked me if he is to give me the kiss he owed. And I said ofcourse not.

Anyways it was a nice ride home. He had gotten samosas for me. I had one and we retired for the night. I couldnt sleep, he dozed off. I was tossing and turning. Tried to read, tried all sorts of things. Finally I slept at 6 a.m. And then he made me tea in the morning, he had also made tapioca for me. Introduced me to his roommate. He was a pretty good guy too. And then I dressed and all was good. But what was I thinking, could I be happy for long. NO.

I will continue in a few hours .......