Say What !!!!!!

Last weekend I got my W-2 and decided to take a jab at my taxes. I am one of those who like doing their taxes themselves and doing them fast. Until last year I used to qualify for the free e-file thanks to my measly student income. Not this year. Fortunately as a State Farm customer I get to use Turbo Tax's deluxe edition ($29.95) for free. And my pleasure was so short lived. After plugging in all the numbers leave alone a refund, I owe a little more than a grand to Uncle Sam. I could not believe it and tried it out on many other tax softwares and tax calculators. What is to be will be.

After all these years of getting everything back this did not feel so good. Anyway being single and no mortgage seem to have its own disadvantages. Well the only disadvantage I can think of thus far.

I thought I will call my HR manager and ask her to maybe make some adjustments to how my taxes are being withheld. But decided against it. I would rather pay up than get a refund because the refund is after all "an interest free loan to Uncle Sam" (I have read this in everyone of the PF sites I visit).

All said and done a minor setback on my way to a positive networth.

When the going gets good ........

The past year was a blurr and so was my vacation that ended last week. It was good to back home after more than three years, It was good not to have to do my own cooking, laundry or pay rent.

The journey back and forth went without a hitch, got to travel business class a small portion of the journey (5 hrs) thanks to my dad being friends with the Air Traffic Controller. Other than that the journey was pretty uneventful.

Trip to Chennai and the whole VISA stamping process also went so smooth. All my research preparation, anxiety and planning seem so unnecessary in retrospect. Oh well all is well that ends well.

The surgery also went well. I have always believed and now have proof that I am a picture of good health. Perfect lab results, perfect healing and perfect recovery. I was out of bed and walking the very next day after surgery.

As far as family is concerned I realise I am gradually growing closer to my mom though I have always been daddy's girl and never gotten along with my mother. Still loggerheads with my brother. We seems to be good for each other only from a distance, I don't know why is it that we can never get along.

But thanks to my brother I saw many movies (Tare Zameen Par, OSO, Saawariya and many more) and read Angels and Demons(Dan Brown), The Client(John Grisham), Vector(Robin Cook) and loads of Amar Chitra Katha comics, my all time favourites.

Its my parents resolution and mission this year to find me a husband. And I am not make it any easy for them. Why am I so particular about somethings I don't know but I just cant seem to compromise. Case in point, I want to marry someone who earns more than me. Before you jump to conclusions no I am not a gold digger. I earn a very comfortable living, but somehow I don't want a husband lesser than me in terms of piety, education, career or money. I maybe be wrong but it doesn't feel wrong. And to make matters worse my salary is going up about 15% every six months. Now that's no problem is it ...

I UN-HEART (HATE) UPS - Update

A few weeks ago I vented my frustration with UPS here. Here is an update.

Two weeks ago I got through to a customer service rep. Even on that day I was passed around quite a bit before I got to this lady. To my surprise she actually spoke to me instead of putting on hold, she actually listened. Finally someone asked me about the suitcase I had lost. She asked me to fax her an invoice of suitcase contents. I sent one immediately. A week later she called me back saying they found it in some warehouse somewhere and yesterday I got it. When I opened it last night I realised there was more than just clothes in there. I got an award in grad school that was in there, gifts from my friends was in there. I am glad I got it back. Thanks nice customer lady, I applaud you, cannot say the same about your colleagues. But then you were just doing your job, its just that your colleagues have set the standard so low.

Anyway I am going to call her tomorrow and ask her if she could refund the shipping charges. I don't think I have to pay for something which was delivered 21 days too late and after 10 hours of phone calls. If anything I will have to bill them back at my current billing rate which would cost them 10 times the shipping I paid them. If only this were a perfect world. I am going to ask for at least the shipping charges back.

As far as my relationship with UPS goes, I break up. Never ever will I use your service. I will boycott all online business that use UPS. I know it is a drop in the ocean and I exercise my right to hold my drop from reaching the ocean.

How Clever !

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Austin until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.

They explained that they had gone to Dallas for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved.

They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room. "This is going to be easy."

Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written:

(For 95 points): Which tire?

- Source (Forward from a Co-Worker)

I UN-HEART (HATE) UPS --- U SUCK!!!!!!!!

I am very very frustrated. I have no place or non one to vent it but here. I am frustrated with myself, with N and UPS. Yes you heard me right UPS.

For almost a year a large suitcase full of my cloths has been sitting at N's place. I was going to visit her and pick it up. That dint happen so I decided I will have it shipped. Somehow UPS ground service came to mind and I did not look at any other options.

I am Frustrated with UPS because: The delivered someone else's carton to my place which the lady at the front desk signed for and received. Well the shipping label that I had sent N and she had printed out and stuck to the suitcase, it came off. And that was stuck back on the carton that was delivered, not only the carton has two scanned labels one for the original destination of the carton and one for my suitcase both stuck one on top of another. So now my suitcase is sitting somewhere orphaned with no to and from address. What sucks worse is UPS's customer service, I call them explain my situation and they are more interested in having the carton that was dropped than finding my suitcase. I have to remind them that my suitcase is missing too. I may not even be able to claim the insurance because I don't have receipts for the clothes in the suitcase, heck they were sent to me from home(INDIA) a couple of years ago. The have filed a damage claim report( I still don't understand why there is no separate lost claim report, they sat damage claim and lost claim reports are one and the same). They must know better English, because to me they are two different things. The whole thing SUCKS*@#!!! big time.

I am frustrated with N because the printed label clearly said "Affix the folded label using clear plastic shipping tape over the entire label". Well she didn't. If I were ti ship something I would have even if I am only doing someone else a favor. I guess it doesn't work the other way around.

I am frustrated because I put my self in a position where I have to depend on someone else. I hate doing that and avoid it as much as I can but the few times when I seek someone elses favor this is what happens. And this not the first time. Besides that I dint check any other delivery service. I should have checked put USPS and DHL. I did not read reviews. Now I did and found out that Fedex and UPS are not reliable and DHL is and another punch in the stomach is they cost less. I would kick my self if I could. Bottom line I SUCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Measuring Up

I go through phases of interests. Until recently I was obsessed with health and fitness. I would read everything I can lay my hands on. These days it is personal finance. I spend hours reading about how people manage their money. How they dig themselves into debt and then dig out of it too. Where do I stand.

I don't think I have ever lived outrageously beyond my means and now I live much below my means. The one financially not so sound decision I had ever taken was buying the car. It was an impulsive buy. But I don't regret it. I enjoy it everyday so maybe it is worth it. I have been careful enough since then and will be in future too. Still my "Net Worth" is in the negative. Since getting hooked to Yodlee I can see in plain numbers how negative. And most of it is my car loan. Other than that I am fine. My resolution for 2008 is to get my net worth to positive. I have a strong feeling I can do it. Hopefully I will get another raise next month. That will help. Thanks to PF bloggers like Jonathan and Cap. Their blogs are informational, inspirational, motivating and fun. I hope to learn and gain a lot from it. They both are in their 20s and I am a little younger than Jonathan and a little older than Cap. And I am not even in the vicinity of the financial security they have achieved. Well it is just time then to pull up my socks and start the marathon.

Yodlee Yodlee Yooo

It has been over a month since my last post. It was not because of lack of time or events to blog but my conscience. Yes my conscience. The past few weeks my mind has been occupied with someone elses life and problems. I have a lot to say about it but will restrain myself, because it does not feel right.

Among other things I have taken up Martial Arts, a Japanese style called Kagedo. My group exercise instructor is a seventh level black belt, whatever that means. I guess seven levels above the black belt. He is a good teacher and has been doing this for more than three decades now. So my Tue-wed-Thurs one hour routine has increased to two hours now. By the end of the karate lesson I am somehow revved up for the aerobics class. Endorphins I believe. Me fasting this month has added to the challenge. My level of fitness has definitely increased though I am sure no one can tell by looking at me :-) We did a little bit of sparing yesterday and I was kicked and punched. After a long time I felt physical pain. I guess I will have to kick, punch and defend better to avoid getting kicked and punched.

Another thing taking up my mental time and energy is this whole VISA stamping process. I have filled out the online forms to book the appointment, but the forms get deleted after 7 days, if I don't get the appointment by then I will have to fill them out again. What a pain and what a ridiculous system. Too much to do, too many things to organise before I leave. Because I have to be prepared never to come back with no guarantees whether or not I will get it.

I discovered somethings interesting yesterday and have been hooked since. It is Yodlee. If you don't know about it may be it is a good time to check it out and see what you think.......

Material Girl in a Material World

A few days ago M asked me if she can visit. I did not say no but neither did I say yes. The reason, my dwelling. M is in India, if she were to visit she would be here for atleast a month. And I am ashamed to have here living in an apartment with me. I have always felt I have fallen behind on the journey of my life. I feel M should come and visit only when I am settled. My present idea of being settled ain't marriage but a home. A house I can call me own. Why would I want her to come all the way here and live in a small apartment.

Is my thinking wrong. Should I not care about such things. I don't know. Maybe I am wrong. But that's the way I think.

VISA, no not the plastic kind

A visa (short for the Latin carta visa, lit. "the document having been seen") is a document issued by a country giving an individual permission to formally request entrance to the country during a given period of time and for certain purposes and usually stamped or glued inside of a passport, or sometimes issued as separate pieces of paper. - source wikipedia

Well I am waiting for that piece of paper. My application has been approved and I am waiting for the hard copy. In December this year I plan to visit India, my visit is long overdue and get my visa stamped. I visit an immigration forum regularly just to get a feel of how things go. Well they don't go so good. People get stuck thanks to the excessive security clearance and name checks. I wont complain, security cannot be compromised right and until a better system is developed one cannot expect anything but chaos.

In all this I was looking back at the last six years and beyond. I don't think I ever had lofty "dollar dreams". I dint have to come here just because my brother, cousin or cousin's cousin was studying here and I have to meets some distant relation's expectation. I dont have a boyfriend whom I wanted to marry and if I stayed back I would have married of to someone else. I don't have a family depending on me. Then what is it? My depression, my low self-esteem. I think that's what drove me.

I desperately wanted to get away from life as it was. All my childhood I was pampered, not by my parents but by my teachers and all grown ups other than my parents. And then when things dint so good in college I was extremely unhappy with myself. I wanted to get away. Maybe that's the reason why I did better than even the best students in my class in GRE and TOFEL. It was a desperate attempt to get away. Of course my stay here did not start on a high note, but the past two years has put me once again in that sweet spot of approval. Where people look up to you, admire you. I like that.

I wonder when I go for the VISA and say I am subject to one of the many security clearances how would I feel. Would I feel trapped even after all these years and want to get away or would this time be different. I dont think my name is a common enough "MUSLIM NAME". Yep that's one of the criteria to require additional security checks.

Missing the ride

Huddled in a corner of the busy station she could do nothing but wonder about her day. It started out quite well, bright and sunny. But a little under half way through everything changed. Everything was happening on schedule until the delays added up. Here she was sitting at the platform a good three days late. She wonders with a bit panic if she would be stranded on the platform forever. She distracts herself with the goings on of things and people around her. But the distraction does not last. It is getting darker by the hour and her despair grows by the minute. Every train that passes by without her makes her a little more anxious. What should she do. As time goes by her hope of reaching her intended destination gets bleaker. She has no choice but to wait it out. If she finds herself at the same place for two more days. She would leave for a totally different destination. One no one including herself had intended.

North and South - by Elizabeth Gaskell

Many a happy times of my life are those sunday afternoons spent reading victorian era fiction and losing myself in those characters and their times. One such afternoon was yesterday ofcourse I did not read but watched the series based on the novel.

After a hectic and anxious friday and saturday spent doing the upgrade the escape to 1854 England was a blessing. I have never heard of Elizabeth Gaskell until I came across this mini series on netflix. Now I am going to read the book and relive it all over again. These are the simple pleasures of life I look forward to.

Here is a little bit about North&South I found on wikipedia:
___________________________________________________________________________________

North and South is a novel by Elizabeth Gaskell, first published in 1854. It originally appeared as a serial in the magazine Household Words. The title indicates a major theme of the book: the contrast between the way of life in the industrial north of England and the wealthier south, although it was only under pressure from her publishers that Gaskell changed the title from its original, Margaret Hale.

North and South presents, as the title suggests, a contrast between the old agricultural gentry of the south of England and the new industrialists of the north. As the wife of a Unitarian minister in Manchester, Elizabeth Gaskell herself worked among the poor and knew at first hand the misery of the industrial areas.

The book is a social novel that tries to show the industrial North and its conflicts in the mid-19th century as seen by an outsider, a socially sensitive lady from the South. The story: the heroine, Margaret Hale, is the daughter of a Nonconformist minister who moves to the fictional industrial town of Milton after leaving the Church of England. The town is modeled after Manchester, where Gaskell lived as the wife of a Unitarian minister.
____________________________________________________________________________________

Live Earth - 07/07/07 - My take

Live Earth is a 24-hour, 7-continent concert series taking place on 7/7/07 that will bring together more than 100 music artists and 2 billion people to trigger a global movement to solve the climate crisis. - source: www.liveearth.org

I spent a good part of Saturday catching glimpses of the concert around the world and the accompanying controversy

Pro-Live Earth : Create awareness, nudge people and their governments into action. Every person attending the concert is asked to sign a pledge that they would "go green". The concert was a live example of how a public gathering need not generate huge waste, for instance water provided water in paper cups as opposed to plastic bottles.

Anti-Live Earth: The urgency is exaggerated, if one does not depend oil the economy will go berserk, the concert is in itself creating more waste than it hopes to eliminate. More people drove to the concert creating more pollution than if they would have just stayed home and the concert were not to happen. People tuning into the concert are doing so more for the music and artists than any other reason.


My take: The urgency is relative, if the negative effect of global warming are not visible for the next say 100 years still the it is going to happen after 100 years. And 100 years is a very minuscule amount of time compared to the millions of years since the formation of the earth. The natural resources like oil and natural gas took millions of years to get to where we are, and we are finishing it up in a few thousand years. It is estimated that by 2050 we might use up the oil available today.
The polar caps are already melting at an alarming rate much higher than that expected and estimated my scientists. How then can the crisis not be imminent.
What if people go to these concerts still they are receiving the message. We live in times where we idealize celebrities, maybe the message will get across after all. What if everyone who pledged may not follow thorough but even if half the people do even a small part it would make a big difference.

So what am I doing about?

Enough said now time to evaluate what I do about it.
1. I carry a reusable grocery tote when I go shopping, I don't want those plastic bags on my conscience.
2. The reuse the plastic bags I cannot avoid, as trash bags for the smaller trash cans in my house.
3. I print only if it is absolutely necessary and that too on both sides.
4. I reuse the blank side of the few papers I end up collecting.
5. I drive only if absolutely necessary.
6. Fewer shopping trips, lesser fuel used.
7. I am very prompt is switching of lights and fans whenever not needed.

Things I am yet to work on:
My car, I bought the car less than a year ago and I admit it is a crossover. I wish I could exchange it for a hybrid but cannot afford it right now. I will as soon as I can. But then hybrid cars are not without controversy after all they are not electric cars they do use fossil fuel. May be sometime in future a car running on alternate fuel of some kind maybe even solar energy would come into being and accessible.

For now I am happy with what I am doing and would strive to continue doing is.

My American Dream

For the past few weeks..actually two weeks to be precise, I have been thinking of a home for myself. I think this was triggered by Ar's family buying a home. Watching the kid get excited about his room and hearing about all things he would like to do in his yard was very cool.

As of know I can only plan and dream, but my goal, dream and wish is to own a home by the time I turn 30. Thats about three years away, enough time I think to come up with the 20% down payment.(*sigh*) Dream on baby...

Does it Matter ?

Do people matter, do things matter, does anything matter.

We change everything, some every minute, some everyday, some at regular intervals and some at not so regular intervals. Then is there a point in getting attached to something even for a short time and what is short time. In the grand scheme of things our lives are moments.

Things that were coveted by me are not the same anymore. The things I want now are big and grand. If I ever to get these big and grand things will I sill value them. I am eager to find atleast one thing, living or otherwise for which my desire just keeps growing inspite of posessing it. Is it possible. As of now I dont think so, for I get bored of things, "living and otherwise" the moment I get them. But it will be interesting to watch, if there is anything that does matter.

Ignorance is Bliss!

Do you know you might never be able to reach me? Yes, never. I have blocked you from all of IM and email Ids, I have blocked you on Orkut. And last night when you called I did not pick up. In the past I used to be so happy to hear from you. I used to be so happy to recieve a mail from you. And now I am just too nervous. I do not want to let myself hurt anymore. And if I were to talk to you thats what is going to happen. With the weekend ahead I do not want to allow myself to mope around. I have a very strong feeling that you are leaving for home this weekend and yesterdays call was some form of final farewell. I dont want to know about it. I am not leaving anything to chance. I want to be ignorant of the goings on, because Ignorance is bliss!

Desensitization - Is it the way to go ?

I consider myself a very emotionally sensitive person. Anything that is said about anything relevant to me effects me. One such very important thing in my life is my religion. I am trying to be as good a Muslim as I can be. The importance I give to my religion is also making me extremely sensitive to what is said and thought about Islam and Muslims.

I cringe when Islam and terrorist is used in the same sentence. And I cringe several times a day. Especially the times when I read rediff.com. I should break out of this stupid habit of reading rediff articles and comments. How caustic those comments can be... Every single things is taken out of context, made a mockery of, twisted and spat out. Without any regard of hurting anyone sentiments or making any attempt of checking facts. Growing up I studied in a Catholic school my classes were always a mix of several religions. Not once did I feel out of place. Religion never even entered any kind of discussion but for the time of festivals. And even then the only context was new clothes and food. Today reading those comments in black and white was disturbing.

Today the Muslim population around the world is 1.5 billion and contrary to popular belief although Islam is often associated with the Arab world and the Middle East, fewer than 15% of Muslims are Arab. SO now Can 1.5 billion people be all rogues and terrorists. Does that seem logical. Why is not the conflict in the middle east treated as a regional conflict and not religious conflict. Do Muslims in India participate or in any way are directly effected by what happens in the middle east. May be in some distant philosophical sense any human suffering someplace effects you. But in a practical sense does it. Then why do people in India even bother to demean their fellow citizens.

I once read the suggestion that Muslims should call themselves something else to avoid the bad reputation. I am an Indian, a proud Indian. If a few criminals from my country, say 20 from a population of 1 billion were to commit an atroicious act somewhere in the world. Say the media was splashed with news about how the Indian criminals did something so awful. Do I change my identity. Should I change my identity. Should I rename everything associated with my culture and heritage. Does that seem right, no, it is not.

I am a walking billboard of Islam if you will. I wear the scarf and everyday trash every stereotype one might have about Muslim women. I try to be extra nice to people around me and when I am asked questions about my religion I try my best to give facts, and trash out some more stereotypes. I am independent and good at what I do. I am extra careful to not give anybody an opportunity to underestimate me and all I need to do now is to develop thick skin and pray for the ability to forgive and forget.

Sivaji ..... My first Tamil Movie in years

I dont remember the last time I saw a tamil movie. When Ar's family decided to watch Sivaji last weekend I joined them. The movie was courtesy of the local Tamil Sangam. I have never been a fan of Rajinikanth, for that matter I am not a fan of any actor or actress.

I did enjoy the movie, not that it had any logic. But the comedy was good which had me laughing really hard and the songs were visually beautiful and elaborate. The actress Shriya was very pretty. Other than that there is nothing else worth mentioning. I am not sure what the guys sitting in the row behind us found so entertaining or exciting. It was like a tradition of whistiling and screaming that they had to keep up. It got irritating at times.

A Well Known Stranger

I have known you from the day you were born. I have taken pride in you, played with you, yelled at you, fought with you,yet do I know you.

Its been four years since I have seen you.I happened to see your pictures. How much you have changed. I hardly recognize you. How articulate you are. I remember your first words. I see how popular you are, how enterprising. You are all things I am not, but would have liked to be. Our lives started at the same place, they ran parallel for most of our lives and then parallel yet so far apart that they cannot be called parallel anymore nor can they ever intersect. You ask me "why do I get embarassed to show affection?" and thats sums it up. I am too embarrased to show affection. I am not as social as you are. You have a way with people, you have a way with friends, you have a way with relatives. You are so sure of yourself. Would you be like me if you were "like" me. Maybe not. You just wouldnt care. You have a way of making people obligated and I took it to heart when someone makes me feel obligated. You were stubborn and I was not. You asked and I waited and expected for people to know what I want. Was that a good thing. It did not do me any good.

Well, we are just two different people. You are not who you are because of me and maybe thats a good thing. I just wish I could have been like you. Then I would not have been who I am if I were like you. And so we live parallel lives yet we dont...

Camp Curtin Y

Let me give you a little history lesson:

During the American Civil War, over 300,000 soldiers passed through Camp Curtin, making it the largest Federal camp during the Civil War. The camp officially opened on April 18, 1861, and was named in honor of the Governor Andrew Curtin. Harrisburg's location on major railroad lines running east and west, and north and south made it the ideal location for moving men and supplies to the armies in the field.

- Wikipedia

Camp Curtin in my context, the YMCA at Camp Curtin. Three weeks ago I got this brilliant idea of checking out the YMCAs in my area. Workouts in my apartment gym were getting boring. That's when I discovered Camp Curtin Y, it is in a ghetto neigbourhood in a predominantly african american neighbourhood. And I was pleasantly surprised. It is housed in a building built in 1901 yet the gym is very modern. It reminded me of the rec center at school. There is also a Sauna, a steam room and a swimming pool. Not only that three days a week there is this aerobics class. And since I joined two weeks ago, I am there religiously everyday after work. The hour and a half I spend there is the most relaxing time of the day. The aerobics session is awesome, every session is different and the instructor is motivating and has been in the profession for more than 20 years. The gym is pretty good too, finally I get to do the elliptical. Its my favorite machine. I am yet to try the pool. Hopefully next week.

I am also hoping to volunteer there, maybe tutor kids. Filled out an application. That application was so long. There was background check, criminal history check...the whole nine yards. At one point I thought why bother. But then all the "Law and Order SVU" and MSNBC's "Catch the predator" put things in perspective. These elaborate checks are justifiable inconvenience if thats what it takes to keep kids safe. Hope I can inspire and help a few kids do better in school. It would be so special.

I miss U! I hate U! I hate to miss U!

Yep, that's how I feel. I miss Sid, not a lot, not all the time, but a lot sometimes.

I miss the companionship, I miss being able to share stuff.I miss sharing my small triumphs and big disappointments. I miss being able to brag to him and I miss him bragging. I miss his useful advices, I miss having someone to vent my frustration. I miss being a part of his life (atleast in my mind). I miss his goofiness, his little quirks, his motivation which used to keep me motivated. I miss making him proud of me and I miss him making me proud. I miss his depending on me for small things.I miss him calling me on road asking me to look up stuff. I miss feeling jealous of unnecessary things like the time he would hang out with his female friends and I miss his assuring me that they are not special. I miss his sensing my mood just by my tone. I miss throwing tantrums and having someone put up with it. The list goes on..............

A couple of weeks ago I got my first raise and a mail from my HR praising my work. I wanted to share it with Sid. But I cannot. I could not call Pal or Smita, because that would not have been appropriate, I think. Such times I was able to just call Sid and share my excitement. Not anymore. I called my parents instead but somehow it wasn't the same.

I am a very stubborn person especially when it comes to people and relationships. I know my stubbornness will see me through and I am never going to pick the phone to make a call or write a mail to Sid.

If only my fantasies, my dreams, my yearnings could be fulfilled. Since that's not going to happen I should just live this time out. And with time, hope that this state of loneliness becomes a habit. After all I pride myself at being extremely adaptable ......right! or is it Yeah right!