Yep, that's how I feel. I miss Sid, not a lot, not all the time, but a lot sometimes.
I miss the companionship, I miss being able to share stuff.I miss sharing my small triumphs and big disappointments. I miss being able to brag to him and I miss him bragging. I miss his useful advices, I miss having someone to vent my frustration. I miss being a part of his life (atleast in my mind). I miss his goofiness, his little quirks, his motivation which used to keep me motivated. I miss making him proud of me and I miss him making me proud. I miss his depending on me for small things.I miss him calling me on road asking me to look up stuff. I miss feeling jealous of unnecessary things like the time he would hang out with his female friends and I miss his assuring me that they are not special. I miss his sensing my mood just by my tone. I miss throwing tantrums and having someone put up with it. The list goes on..............
A couple of weeks ago I got my first raise and a mail from my HR praising my work. I wanted to share it with Sid. But I cannot. I could not call Pal or Smita, because that would not have been appropriate, I think. Such times I was able to just call Sid and share my excitement. Not anymore. I called my parents instead but somehow it wasn't the same.
I am a very stubborn person especially when it comes to people and relationships. I know my stubbornness will see me through and I am never going to pick the phone to make a call or write a mail to Sid.
If only my fantasies, my dreams, my yearnings could be fulfilled. Since that's not going to happen I should just live this time out. And with time, hope that this state of loneliness becomes a habit. After all I pride myself at being extremely adaptable ......right! or is it Yeah right!
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