Miracles !!! If only they could happen

What we see is what we believe or is it what we believe is what we see. When you are in a certain state of mind, that state colors everything else around us. Atleast this is what happens to me. I observe myself a lot. I have, always.

I went to a Multi-cultural show in school today. I went there unwillingly but thoroughly enjoyed. Maybe not thoroughly, atleast to some extent. Felt very lonely in the crowd. Well I have not many friends here. And the ones I have were busy. Felt a little out of place. Still I enjoyed the performances. Then went to work. Was with Sid most of the time. There was an after party.wanted to go but could not. Told Sid about the party, he dint seem pleased. No it is not what you think. He doesnot object to my going to a party. He is just a little concerned with where I am going with my priorities. But, I asked him and he agreed that after I finish up with my thesis, I would go to S and we will go dancing. I love dancing. And I am looking forward to it.Maybe this will propel me.

Came home and Su gave me a couple of Tamil movies. I dint want to study. Could have but dint want to. Watched one. And this is what triggered me to write. I observe myself a lot. It is almost like I am another person constantly able to read my mind. I have observed that my environment greatly influences my thought process and then my thinking also influences what I see. At the show , the dances made me happy, excited, excited enough to want to go dancing

And then the movie. It felt so close to my heart. It was as if I was one of the characters. Going through the same things I am going through. But then it is a story. Stories can be influced can life be . Maybe not . Why maybe. Ofcourse not. But then can I hope for a miracle. A little hope, a ray of light at the end of the tunel. Am I being greedy. Am I setting myself up for another trip to the cemetry. Yeah maybe I am , but then the path to the cemetry is beautiful. It is worth it, is it. I feels so now . What happens when I reach. I dont know what to think and what not. Maybe I should just stop thinking and be prepared, maybe even look forward to it. My trip to the cemetry . Maybe it is not so bad. Maybe it is proof of my happiness before I reach there.