There it happens again !

Once again I am here. The result of my own actions. Sometimes the person who seems so close to you becomes so rude. Very hurtful, very very hurtful. And then behaves as if everything is normal when it is obvious it is not. So obvious. I am partly to blame for this situation. I should have just shut up, just not participated in the conversation. It is amazing how everyone else but me seems to control my life. I would be so happy if I could completely, absolutely control my life, my feelings, my thinking. Is it too much to ask. All I am asking is control over my OWN life. Nobody else's but just me.

Or maybe all of it is my imagination. I read one of my favorite editors columns yesterday. She married a few months ago. She was talking about all the marital advice she and her husband get from people all the time. And one such advice they are trying to follow which seem to work all the time.

Here is what she says "A lot of times, you'll say something to each other that could be taken a couple of different ways. Chances are, one of those ways will really offend you. Take it the other way."

I thought about it a lot. Time and again Sid says this too. He says give people benefit of doubt. Try not to victimize yourself even before you become a victim. All this makes sense doesn't it. I know this, if only I can practice it too. It will make things easier for me. Maybe I should pretend there is no pr0blem. Tell myself I am cooking it up. A concoction of my mind and nothing more.
what's the worse that can happen. I maybe wrong, what the heck if I am wrong, I might feel miserable. I am not feeling great now either. So better late than now.

I find my mind hardest to train. Like I said no control what so ever. Maybe I should do something about it. I wish there was a way. Lets see,how hard it gets. Maybe another visit to the cemetery.